There are certain things in married life that a husband should NOT forget, such as....Birthdays......Anniversaries......to get the washing in when it starts to rain !! At least I can get two of those three right, but when a wife comes home to find you laying on the couch watching tele. and sees her precious delicates drenched upon the washing line, then sparks may well fly. And in our household now, they invariably fly from my bottom.
Such was the situation last Monday, when a very interesting program on the history of mammals was rudely interrupted by a most irate spouse, standing in the doorway with water dripping occasionally from her petite nose. Her hair a bedraggled mat of sodden fibres and a distinctive wet patch down the entire front of her dress. After I had endured the barrage of verbal abuse and threats of physical violence against my most precious of possessions....yes that's right....my golf clubs, I tactfully offered to make her a 'nice cup of tea,' and to run a bath for her.
Calm was restored and forgiveness wafted among the scented bubbles of a steaming bath.......And look...there goes a pig, flying past our window. I don't suppose for a minute that I am alone in having a wife that can outwardly portray the serenity of a nun but inside is fuming like Vesuvius, just waiting to erupt when one least expects it. And so that, dear reader, would likely explain why I am tenderly sitting on a very sore, striped bottom, writing this account.
'You only have yourself to blame,' she said as she ran the leather tawse through her left hand. I, was bent over all four pillows piled on our bed, my bare arse already glowing from the five or so minute hand spanking she'd given me over her lap.
Damn that thing, I can't think what possessed me to buy such a stingy implement. Oh, wait a minute.....now I remember !!!
See...my memory is getting better all the time.